WHAT’S YOUR TYPE?

WHAT’S YOUR TYPEI get a kick out of the algorithms that attempt to perfectly match two people together for dating or even for work. The first thing to understand is that ANY formula is based upon assumptions. The programmer “assumes” that certain attributes are attractions or detriments. These assumptions can be based upon prior psychological experiments or even data, as eHarmony would have you believe.  However, how do these factors enter into the equation?

  1. Values instilled by parents and environment?  The same individual, if raised by a different set of parents will have different values.  This can vary greatly if the parents and culture is based in a different part of the world, where society and religious customs are vastly different.
  2. Timing or urgency of an individual to desire a mate. Motivation matters. Someone suffering through a loss, or from the stress of work will not be inclined to hunt for a partner, for example.
  3. Endorphins and chemical reaction?  It is a fact that often the initial attraction of one individual to another has to do with endorphins. The mind is stimulated by the first look.  All the algorithms in the world can’t predict this.\

In truth, you can perhaps reduce your odds of finding a good match by getting on various dating sites and sorting through your preferences to find various suitable candidates, but the only proven way to find someone to spend time with is to spend time with that person.  Stop hiding behind the computer and get out there and date. Only be sure that when you go out, you are entering into an activity that both you and your date want to do. That is step one in Dating for Life.

 

THE WEB OF HEARTBREAK

THE WEB OF HEARTBREAKI have read a few articles about how the digital world provides no room for closure. Social media posts, including photos of prior significant others, can leave traces of a prior life.  Notable celebrities are consistently under the public microscope, and break-ups are always newsworthy.  Imagine how hard it is for them to deal with reporters who pry into their lives.

It doesn’t have to be this way.  People either come into your life as blessings or as lessons. You have the power to choose how you separate, whether you take the high road or not.  Note that I didn’t say that your ex-partner will chose this route.  Still, remember that you are most admired when you chose to beam sunshine after a storm.  Here are a few pointers on how to cope and heal:

  1. Celebrate the good and move on from the bad
  2. Be humbled from the experience but be hopeful of the future
  3. You will be remembered for your beauty but from your beautiful soul
  4. The universe will embrace you when you live in a world of joy
  5. Forgive yourself and forgive others in their transgressions in order to remove any shackles and break the chains. Free up your energy to learn and grow.

Life is a “do-it-yourself” project, and your happiness must come from within. As trite as the expression may be, turn a lemon into lemonade and use social media to your advantage. Use Facebook, Twitter, and other social media to tell the world that you are celebrating a new chapter in your life and MEAN IT! You’ll be surprised how many people quickly rally in your support and include you in new activities. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and with the right attitude, I can assure you that it’s not a freight train.  Read Dating for Life and I think you’ll agree.

MANNERS AND ETIQUETTE

mannersI had a revelation at a restaurant in Seattle last night. There is a major difference between manners and etiquette. Let me explain. My grandmother lived with my family and she helped raise me. I was told at an early age that until I learned proper manners we couldn’t dine in a fancy restaurant. She taught me how to sit upright at the table; how to hold my utensils; how to conduct myself in a social setting. Everything was proper. In her day, you could tell the social status of any individual by how they ate a bowl of soup. (The cultured always draw the soup spoon away from the chair. The naïve scoop the soup toward the chair. The boor tips the bowl to finish it.)  Needless to say, you never went to any decent restaurant without wearing a tie and jacket.

In the $100/plate restaurant where I dined last night there was no one there wearing a tie and jacket.  Most were in shorts and flip flops. One guy ate cross-legged—a Victorian taboo. He had tattoos on his exposed arms. Another guy had no idea how to eat spaghetti (with spoon and fork).  He didn’t even twirl the spaghetti around his fork.  He just shoveled it in and sucked up the straggling one-foot long noodles into his mouth. Over the past few generations, very little has been formally taught with regard to manners.

But etiquette is another matter. Etiquette is a code of polite conduct based on social acceptance and efficiency. In my grandmother’s day, you never spoke to strangers. You avoided a homeless man. Stay within your own class of people.  Whereas table manners were taught, etiquette evolves within a society. What I’m seeing in world-class cities like New York, where there within one block you will find fifty different countries and five religions represented, I am finding that people have evolved in their etiquette toward one another. Frankly, it’s refreshing. In today’s world, it’s not about what you wear, or how you eat, but who you truly are. I’ll take etiquette over manners any day. Nonetheless, it’s better to have both.

You only get one chance to make a first impression on anyone—a business prospect, a new friend or a romantic first date. Bad manners can overrule other good qualities. Work on your manners, but finely-hone your etiquette. You’ll find that there is no substitute for chivalry and Dating for Life.

 

Nomophobia and Romance

NomophobiaNomophobia, an abbreviation for “no-mobile-phone phobia”, is the fear of being out of mobile phone contact. The term was coined during a 2010 study by the UK Post Office who commissioned YouGov, a UK-based research organization to look at anxieties suffered by mobile phone users. The study found that nearly 53% of mobile phone users in Britain tend to be anxious when they lose their mobile phone, run out of battery or credit, or have no network coverage. The study found that about 58% of men and 47% of women suffer from the phobia, and an additional 9% feel stressed when their mobile phones are off.

An ad at www.endnomophobia.com states that 65% of people sleep next to their smartphones. Believe it or not, 20% of people would rather go shoeless for a week than take a break from their smartphones.  To my surprise, 34% of people admitted to answering their cell phone during intimacy!  Sadly, the website offers a cure, which is battery extenders and signal boosters, so that you will never drop another call.

I offer a much simpler cure:  in a business setting, on a date, and especially during intimacy, turn your cell phone off! To be drawn to your smartphone screen and to disengage with the fellow human to which you are having an exchange is the ultimate in disrespect.  In the original days of chivalry, there were no cell phones. Chivalry today requires nothing different. Unless you are an automaton, try Dating for Life as a means of truly engaging with another human being. You can engage with the phone later. And regarding intimacy, you can turn on your cell phone anytime, but certainly not your partner.