FIFTY WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR LOVER

fiftyways“The problem is all inside your head, she said to me.
The answer is easy if you take it logically.
I’d like to help you in your struggle how to please
There must be fifty ways to please your lover.”

Enough has been written about how to leave your lover. I prefer to write about how to please your lover. Done right, love is an endless highway. Done wrong, it can go careening off the road. Dating for Life isn’t about putting a romance on cruise control, but carefully navigating each and every peak and valley, twist and turn, and even making a smooth ride down a long straightaway pleasurable. Here are the first five of fifty pointers on how you can make things special in your special relationship.

1)    Whether you’ve known your date for forty minutes or forty years, remember that you can enjoy yourselves whether you go for a walk in the park, or go to Park Avenue. The Greek original of the word “Date” is didonal, which means “to give.” When you invite anyone out, it behooves you to make sure you try to show that person a good time.

2)    If you want your date to have a good time, choose an activity of mutual interest. Picking activities that only you like to do assures that you’re not going to like the relationship that evolves.

3)    Be diplomatically honest with your date. Holding back with the truth sets yourself up to be passive aggressive down the road on the same issue. But lack of tact in telling the truth guarantees either an argument or a short-lived relationship.

4)    Set low expectations but high hopes for every date. You’re bound to be pleasantly surprised with the results. Never set a standard for a date or for a partner that is so high that your date can only “break even” against your expectations. You don’t want to lead a life filled with disappointments.

5)    Be open to learn and grow. If you are on a first date, and you chose an activity that you and your date want to do, with low expectations, then enjoy yourself and see what you can learn from the other. God gave you two ears and one mouth, so listen and learn from your date. Lifelong couples will tell you that they never cease to be pleasantly surprised by what they learn from each other.

LOVE, HONOR, CHERISH & FORGIVE

lovehonorTrite, old-fashioned lines in a wedding ceremony? Don’t bet on it.

Love. Love is love.  There is no other word in the English language that can properly describe it. Authors have written countless similes and metaphors to describe love, but simply put, there is no other word for “love” than LOVE.  But does love conquer all, as the saying goes?  It should and it could, but it doesn’t. Love isn’t a principle; love is an emotion, a state of being. In religions, love can even mean the embodiment of God.  There have even been a “manuals” written for LOVE. Buddhists have their Tripiṭaka; Muslims have the Quran; Jews have the Torah; Christians have the Bible (New Testament teachings of Jesus.)  Yet, the adherence to LOVE in each of these scriptures varies greatly.  Why?  Perhaps because the writings were still written by mortal man.

Honor. There are abundant synonyms to the word HONOR, ranging from deify and glorify to praise, canonize, or exalt. Honor is closely related to honesty and integrity. To establish any kind of relationship, it helps if you love or at least like the person. But it matters more that you give honor. No relationship can be built upon of foundation of mistrust and deceit. Therefore, trust comes from honor.

Cherish.  There are also abundant synonyms to the word CHERISH, ranging from appreciate and treasure, to encourage and nourish. To be a true partner, it is not enough to simply honor another.  Partnerships of any kind require a mutually beneficial support. It is not enough simply care for another person without telling him or her that they matter and be there for them. Thankfulness comes from being cherished.

Forgive.  “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” Alexander Pope, a noted 18th century poet certainly had the insight to understand the mortal condition. Perhaps we are but spirits put onto Earth to understand the human condition, but human we are.  As many scriptures strongly note, we are born into sin. In each individual’s quest to live a more perfect life, simply put, he or she are still bound to “screw up.” That is our nature. The question becomes how to rectify the situation?  Absolution is the only practical solution. It’s not a “get out of jail free” card, but is certainly a way to “reboot” from a grievance and move on.

LOVE, HONOR, CHERISH AND FORGIVE. What matters most in these simple words?  That they are verbs, not nouns.  Put them to use in any relationship you have. You will lead a better life.

THE ART OF COMMUNICATION

fourcommAsk any couple that has been together for a while, and they will tell you that one of the secrets is their ability to communicate.  And for each couple, communications will work in many different ways.  Have you ever seen some couples who seem like they are arguing, but in reality are speaking directly?  There is a huge difference, even though it’s a very fine line.  This type of communication may work well for some personality types, but not for others.

Some couples remain silent when dealing with turmoil.  Although it is true that sometimes it’s better to let the dust settle on a potential argument rather than face the problem when emotions are heated, the reality is that “Silence is NOT Golden” when it comes to conflict resolution.  In fact, the silent treatment can break down a relationship faster than anger, which if used constructively will bring about positive change.

Other couples air their differences out in public.  Not a good idea, as it is not only uncomfortable to others, but often forces people to take sides and the focus of the original disagreement is lost.

Let’s look at origins of the word “Communicate.” The Latin word “Communis” means “Common.” The Ancient Greek term “Com” means “With.” “Communicare” in French means “To Share.”  In other words, when you communicate with anyone, the goal is to be with and share, or to find things in common. The next time you have a disagreement with anyone, remember that what is most important is to openly listen to what the person is trying to say, watch the body language, think about what has not been said, and carefully share your thoughts in a considerate reply.  Sticks and stones will break your bones, but poorly chosen words can elevate a misunderstanding to the point of irrationality too. The goal is to find common ground, not to draw lines in the sand.

LOVE AND PARTNERING

loveandpartneringNetworlding is a process originally developed by Melissa Giovagnoli over fourteen years ago.  It enables any two people to cultivate mutually beneficial relationships for transformational opportunities. The Networlding methodology has been utilized by many Fortune 500 companies as a teaching tool to get its own employees to better engage with one another. Melissa is the author and/or co-author of 15 books, five that have been on best-seller lists.

Dating for Life is a process developed by Craig Stuart Wilson only two years ago. It enables any two people to cultivate a sustainable relationship. It wasn’t my primary business, nor my intent to radically change the world.  To my pleasant surprise, however, this process has helped a great many people in my professional and private world.

Both of our books incorporate the Golden Rule, which is one of the cornerstones of mankind.  With the complicated world we live in, people often forget that a relationship isn’t built on technology, data, or speed.  It is hand-crafted with old-fashioned values of trust, kindness, and chivalry. Through these timeless values evolves friendship and love.  Five years ago Melissa Giovagnoli married Craig Stuart Wilson five years ago, on September 5, 2009 and became Melissa G. Wilson. I am here to say that for the past seven years we never stopped Dating for Life, for every night when our heads hit the pillow, I thank her for another wonderful date. And she truly embraces her Networlding methodology, for we indeed have developed a relationship that has been more than mutually beneficial and certainly the transformational opportunity of my life.

Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart.