FIFTY WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR LOVER—PART SIX

part6“Furthermore I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued…”

Ask many couples that have celebrated their golden anniversary how they kept their marriage vibrant, and the will tell you that they never stopped dating.  Sometimes they will say that they make each other laugh. Respect is a big value too, but I would suggest that the art of communication is the thread holding all of these wonderful attributes together. Here are five tips on ways to please your lover through the art of communication:

26)  Good communication begins with attentive listening. You can never reply accurately to anyone if you didn’t hear them correctly from the start.

27)  Learn to “hear between the lines.” Sometimes it’s not what is being said, but what is not being said. But clarify what you think to be true. Never assume what you are interpreting to be true. Clarify.

28)  Always speak honestly, with no underlying agenda.  Manipulation never works in the end. Neither does “Womanipulation.”

29)  Any good communication is the spoken word because it is interactive. Face-to-face is always best because all reactions can be gauged. SKYPE or FACETIME is a near second. Telephone communication is a poor third, but certainly infinitely better than e-mails, which are one-way communication. Texting is a horrible form of communication except for relaying facts, locations, confirming appointments etc.

30)  After a meaningful exchange, whether happy, sad, pragmatic, romantic etc, it is always good to end a conversation with a wrap up that confirms both party’s understanding and possible follow-up plan. Good communication is the thread that ties together any two people: siblings, parent/child, friends, colleagues or soul mates.  It is also the foundation for  Dating for Life.

FIFTY WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR LOVER—PART FIVE

part5“It’s really not my habit to intrude…”

The first line, second verse of Paul Simon’s great song sends a message. Strong partners let each other stand on their own. Offer help when asked or it isn’t received as anything but imposing.  Dating for Life is about enjoying each day in the great date with life. Whether you are on a first date or entering your 25th year of marriage, here are some ways to be a partner without imposing. Here are the fifth five of fifty pointers on how you can make things special in your ANY relationship.

21)   Never date someone with the idea that you are eventually going to change him or her. It won’t work. You should think more how you can adapt to make the relationship work, assuming we are talking about harmless quirks and not mean-spirited behavior.

22)  To pry is to exhibit mistrust. You don’t build a bond in any relationship by second-guessing your colleague, date, or life-long partner.

23)  Care from afar. Be there to lend support, but don’t orchestrate someone else’s life.  This also applies to raising children. The child becomes strong with the establishing of core values and guidance, but not through the Tiger Mom syndrome.

24)  The best relationship is when two people have their own lives, but dove-tail continuously throughout the day via mutual interests, i.e. children, hobbies, home management, even work. You can’t ever live someone else’s life and have a life of your own. Be yourself by self-actualizing and you become a strong, better partner.

25)  Movies and television shows portray intruders as home invaders and psychopaths. Ironically, one opposite word to “intrude” is “please.”  Keep this in mind when you pursue a relationship that is Dating for Life.

FIFTY WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR LOVER—PART FOUR

fiftyways“I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free…”

The third line of Paul Simon’s great song sometimes is telling. How does one help another?  Dating for Life is about enjoying the day, and enjoying the date. Whether you are on a first date or entering your 25th year of marriage, here are some ways to help your partner for the day (and date) be free. Here are the fourth five of fifty pointers on how you can make things special in your ANY relationship.

16)  Being supportive rather than critical.  Most partners want to be heard rather than helped.  Be a good listener and ask what you can do to help rather than first offering help.

17)  How do you start your day with a significant other?  Do you wish your partner a wonderful day and tell them how much you appreciate him or her, or do you just say, “See you later” or even worse, “good-bye.”

18)  How to you communicate with your partner through the day?  Do you send functional e-mails or texts only (or not at all) or do you send some form of correspondence that is uplifting and supportive?

19)  When you first get back together, after a prior date, or after a being apart for just a day, do you express happiness to see the other or do you use your partner to unload about your problems of the day?

20)     When it’s time to say good-night, and this means either at the door of your date’s home, or side-by-side on the pillow, do you express gratitude?  Here’s a hint:  ALWAYS tell your date (and partner) that you had a nice date at the end of the evening. You’ll be amazed how well this works to ending any day on a supportive, positive note.  You’ll find that you definitely help your partner in his or her “struggle to be free.”  Freedom is empowerment. Be supportive!

FIFTY WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR LOVER—PART THREE

ellen

“The answer is easy if you take it logically…”

The second line of Paul Simon’s great song also paves the way. Think about how you would like to be treated. Would you want a friend to leave you hanging? Of course not! The Golden Rule “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is infallible logic to dating.  Dating for Life is about enjoying the day and enjoying the date. Here are the third five of fifty pointers on how you can make things special in your ANY relationship.

 11. Do your homework.  If this is a first date, there is this incredible thing called “The Internet” and thanks to Google, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Match.com or whatever other sources you have access to, you can learn a great deal about your date and what he/she likes and dislikes in advance.

12. In advance, think of several interesting topics of discussion as it relates to your date, to your event, or mutual connections. Winging it works sometimes, but never run out of things to talk about.

13. Even more important, however, is think about how to be a good interviewer. If you watch the best emcees on TV, they engage with the guests by asking relevant questions and let the guest talk. Poor emcees tend to stop the flow by trying to crack a joke, and often the interview never gets back on track. For example, have you noticed how talk show formats are increasingly using informal couches versus a set design where the interviewer sits behind a desk?  There’s a reason—to make the interviewee feel more comfortable

14. People who ask questions only so that they can answer them are a turn-off. Always ask open-ended questions that allow your date to participate fully.

15. It’s easy to engage in a conversation by using open-ended questions in any type of scenario. “How do you like living in Chicago?” is an open-ended question that will normally yield a more detailed response. “Do you like Chicago?” more than likely solicit a “Yes” or “No” response. Be wary of asking questions like “Give me five reasons why you like Chicago” because it can be awkward for some dates as they may feel that they are being put on the spot. The goal of engaging conversation is engagement, not putting someone under a spotlight.

FIFTY WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR LOVER—PART TWO

beatwoman“The problem is all inside your head, she said to me…”

The first line of Paul Simon’s great song sometimes says it all. Human beings are notorious at making mountains out of molehills. It doesn’t matter if your date will be mundane or majestic (and expensive.) You can have a fabulous time walking in the park and a bad time at an expensive opera—it truly depends on where you and your date’s mindsets are. Setting low expectations but high hopes leaves you open to experience something new and rewarding, regardless if your date is a flop, fun, or fantastic.  Dating for Life is about enjoying the day, and enjoying the date. Here are the second five of fifty pointers on how you can make things special in your ANY relationship.

6) Begin by being the good guy. You gain the respect of another by exhibiting chivalry. Courtesy and politeness are vastly underrated.  This doesn’t compromise your “cool.” Just as you can’t make someone love you, neither can you put on your “cool.” Act naturally, but be a good guy. The rest will follow.

7) Focus more on learning about the other. Your life is secondary for the moment. The Golden Rule applies in all aspects of dating:  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you do all the talking, and most of it is about you, ask yourself, would you appreciate this if the other person did that to you?

8) Be a planner.  The worst thing is to “hang out” or invite someone out and the day of the event just “show up” and say “whassup?”  Would you do this for a job interview?  I don’t think so.

9)  Be fun because that’s the way to go through life anyway.  Think about it—every day is a gift.  Enjoy your date with life whomever you are with.

10) Never set yourself up to be passive aggressive.  What do I mean?  Those with deep memories sometimes conjure up the past and screw up the present. Don’t keep tabs on what your date does and doesn’t do right. Be in the moment and ENJOY your day regardless.  You can always review after the fact whether the experience was worth another date, but at least you didn’t screw up the time you spent together.  Trust me—time is prescious.