FIFTY WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR LOVER—PART NINE

partnine“She said, “Why don’t we both just sleep on it tonight

I believe in the morning you’ll begin to see the light.

And then she kissed me, and I realized she probably was right…”

Never go to bed angry, the age-old axiom, but it’s easier said than done. Do you argue throughout the night? No. Do you suddenly shut down a frenzy and calmly say, “We’ll continue this discussion in the morning?” No way. But what do you do? Here are some suggestions on how to wrap you your day blissfully:

41)  Never begin a serious discussion at the end of the day. If you are wise enough to know that the topic will be heated, you may not want to bring it up over dinner, if the debate/conversation could last for hours.

42)  Agree to discuss segments of the entire issue. Broad topics such as a major job change and relocation, investing in a new home, or raising a child require broad discussions. You shouldn’t gloss over the entire subject and compress it into a one-hour discussion, so why not segment the discussion almost in outline form?  Agree to stay on point for each meeting.

43)  Despite the potential for high emotions, stay on point. If additional considerations arise in the conversation, then agree to have another discussion time for those specific considerations, but stay on point.

44)  Enter each discussion with a clean slate. Don’t bring dirty laundry into the meeting or an attitude of stirring the waters. The goal is to solve problems, not to create them.

45)  Feel good about small agreements and mutually beneficial concessions. Life is imperfect. If you and your partner can find common ground on fifty percent of your singular subject of discussion (in an on-going series of conversations to solve a major issue such as child rearing) then you have a victory for the day.  Celebrate it in some way and go to bed content. There’s a reason why you have your children say their prayers of thanks before bedtime. Why don’t you? Before your slip into slumber, whisper in your partner’s ear and express gratitude that you worked well together as partners in Dating for Life.

FIFTY WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR LOVER—PART EIGHT

parteight“I said, I appreciate that and would you please explain about the fifty ways”…”

As a partner, how effective are you in communicating what your needs are? You know the age-old retort on what happens when you assume—no need to write it here, for I just did.  More importantly, a good partner should lovingly communicate what situational approach would work well. For example, “Honey, what would really make me happy would be if you were to…” works much better than, “Look, it frustrates me when you repeatedly forget to…” Even worse, “If you know anything about me then you would know that…” We are all humans, and by design screw up. Perfection isn’t about being perfect; it’s about trying to be perfect. The best partners express love by articulating to the significant other the things that will help keep the relationship blissful.  Here are a few ideas to ponder:

36)  Not everything is of critical importance to you. Pick the top three, and sit down with your lover, with no distractions, and articulate how you want to be pleased. Never communicate something important “on the fly.”

37)  If you want to be accurate, then it’s okay to write down your points. However, it’s not okay to write memos or leave notes regarding how you want to be treated. Never text or e-mail feelings. Close relationships require close inter-personal two-way communication, or they can’t be close.

38)  Setting is everything. A man wouldn’t ask a woman to marry him without preplanning for the setting. Why would you open your heart about how you wanted something to change in the way a relationship was being handled in an impersonal way?

39)  If you have carefully expressed how you want to be treated differently to your partner, and the message hasn’t been fully received, don’t become the aggressor and pounce on your partner for “not getting it.” Passive aggressive doesn’t work in any situation, especially one involving love.

40)  Love isn’t precise, nor are feelings. Much of what your partner hears depends on what he or she is listening for. Chances are your partner may only initially understand half of the gist of your intent. Consider that a start. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but stone by stone, as is your relationship. However, with poor communication, you can tear something apart much faster. Work on smaller victories to build the ultimate one which is Dating for Life.

FIFTY WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR LOVER—PART SEVEN

partseven“She said, “It grieves me so to see you in such pain.
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again”…”

Life is a do-it-yourself project, but it’s much easier if you have a helping hand. A true partner can help smooth out rough roads. When your partner is down in the dumps, lift him or her up. Step up and simply “be there.” Smiles will follow. Here are five tips on ways to please your lover through the art of pleasing:

31) Give a gift with no purpose. No strings attached forms the greatest attachment.
32) Unconditional love is just that. When you volunteer to help rather than fulfil a task when asked, the appreciation will be manifold.
33) Never, ever take another person’s problems personally. When your partner has a need and legitimately needs help, the worst thing you can do is unload on that person because you have to sacrifice time or expense to help out. If you truly can’t accommodate a request, explain it in a rational matter.
34) Advice can be avarice if unsolicited. Make sure you aren’t telling someone what to do because you don’t have the time to help them out.
35) Sometimes less words are more. Hugs and a tender touch speaks volumes. People are complex creatures. One reason a person loves his or her pet dog is because the animal has no agenda but love. It can’t speak, give advice, or run errands. It can only love. When your partner is in dire need, be a simple creature of God and provide uncomplicated support. Trust and love are also key foundations in Dating for Life.