FIFTY WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR LOVER—PART EIGHT

parteight“I said, I appreciate that and would you please explain about the fifty ways”…”

As a partner, how effective are you in communicating what your needs are? You know the age-old retort on what happens when you assume—no need to write it here, for I just did.  More importantly, a good partner should lovingly communicate what situational approach would work well. For example, “Honey, what would really make me happy would be if you were to…” works much better than, “Look, it frustrates me when you repeatedly forget to…” Even worse, “If you know anything about me then you would know that…” We are all humans, and by design screw up. Perfection isn’t about being perfect; it’s about trying to be perfect. The best partners express love by articulating to the significant other the things that will help keep the relationship blissful.  Here are a few ideas to ponder:

36)  Not everything is of critical importance to you. Pick the top three, and sit down with your lover, with no distractions, and articulate how you want to be pleased. Never communicate something important “on the fly.”

37)  If you want to be accurate, then it’s okay to write down your points. However, it’s not okay to write memos or leave notes regarding how you want to be treated. Never text or e-mail feelings. Close relationships require close inter-personal two-way communication, or they can’t be close.

38)  Setting is everything. A man wouldn’t ask a woman to marry him without preplanning for the setting. Why would you open your heart about how you wanted something to change in the way a relationship was being handled in an impersonal way?

39)  If you have carefully expressed how you want to be treated differently to your partner, and the message hasn’t been fully received, don’t become the aggressor and pounce on your partner for “not getting it.” Passive aggressive doesn’t work in any situation, especially one involving love.

40)  Love isn’t precise, nor are feelings. Much of what your partner hears depends on what he or she is listening for. Chances are your partner may only initially understand half of the gist of your intent. Consider that a start. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but stone by stone, as is your relationship. However, with poor communication, you can tear something apart much faster. Work on smaller victories to build the ultimate one which is Dating for Life.

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