HOW TO RESURRECT CHIVALRY—PART TWO: EXPECTATIONS

Hypothetical situation–you finally worked up the nerve to either text, Goggle Message, Match-chat, or …picked up the phone and called someone and asked her out.  The first important question:  What are your expectations? They should be nothing more than to have a nice time. I hope that this was communicated to your date as well. If you are hoping that “this is the one”, then you’re better off not going out at all. High expectations can’t be met.

The second question:  What do you want to do on your first date?  Do you really want to meet at Starbucks for a cup of coffee, like 95% of first dates.  I understand frugality, but seriously, if you’re going to waste several hours going out for coffee, why not really do something instead?  Sure it will cost you a few dollars more, but decide to do something that you and your first date want to do together, i.e. dinner and a show, street carnival, bike ride—anything but Starbucks. You’ll have a much better time than starting out a relationship that is built upon coffee grounds.

The third question:  Will you plan out a schedule for your date? I can’t tell you how many singles from age 18-40 have told me that their date shows up and then asks, “So, whaddaya wanna do tonight?” Really, is that all that you’re about?

You can do better. Remember, it’s your date’s opportunity to evaluate you, too!

Fourth question:  Can you exhibit chivalry–be on time, dress well, open doors, etc.? After all, if chivalry is an ancient code of honor, what can be more honorable than showing your date some respect? Heaven forbid you have a great time, but your date didn’t because of your own inactions.

Final question:  Can you be honest with yourself about your feelings?  At the end of the evening, you’ll know if you had a great time, a good time, or a bad time.  You’ll know if this person is a potential lover, friend, or merely acquaintance. There’s nothing more disrespectful than lying or text-dumping a date. If you only want to be friends with your date, it’s not the end of the world. Be honest about it and you may end up with a friend in the process. More importantly, you will be ready to date in crescendo!

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